Time of Reflection

Some of these thoughts I put in my eulogy for my brother. As I mull them over, I am refining my thoughts a bit and adding some things that occur to me in this process.

Where we are now
We are staying with some good friends in Everett for a few days until I am well enough to travel. After 3 weeks at my sister's house, it was time to give them some peace and let them resume their normal life, so we headed out yesterday afternoon.

I am still recovering from pneumonia and on a 2nd round of antibiotics. I hope by the follow up next week, I am released to travel. I am doing better though still coughing and sounding nasty, and still very tired, so from my perspective, I need a few more days to rest up for the arduous trip. The best flights available still make it about a 20 hr. trip door-to-door, so that is beyond me at present.

The Memorial for my Brother
It was a nice service, went an hour longer than we planned but lots of people spoke and several shared musical numbers. That was fitting since his adult passion in life was always in the theatre and music area, even if he made his money other ways.

It is good for us to remember him in the many different and positive ways he impacted so many lives. I was most touched by the young people and his friends from Jr. High and High School that said what an encourager he was to them. He always pushed people to stretch themselves and dream beyond their circumstances.

George Lance Gilbert with Taita

We found a good home for Taita and his new owner even brought us photos to the Memorial to show us how happy Taita is. I know George would be happy too.

Lessons Learned

First, don’t lose those important connections you make during your life from neglect or because you are “too busy”. Nurture those friendships. Don’t worry about what other people will think of you or what a success (or not) you are in life. True friends don’t care if you are working at McDonalds; they don’t care what you look like or what kind of car you drive.

Second, define success in your life by the relationships you have, not by your accomplishments. It's all about the people! When we work so hard to accomplish something in our work, we are prone to sacrifice health, family, relationships, and all else. This is such a problem of the American culture. I am as prone to this tendency as my brother was; we jump in to our work with whole-hearted involvement but we can let it overwhelm us and crowd out the most important things in life. I feel this is a huge life lesson for me right now. 

Third, when you get into hard times, don't be afraid to let people know when you need help. Oh I know for most of us, pride gets in the way. Also, we don't want to be a burden or bother to our family and friends. But, when it reaches a point that you really need help, you need to be very clear and shout out to your people so they don't miss the message. I was shocked to see how difficult my brother's situation had become; maybe I should have been better at reading the signs and listening to what wasn't being said. I know I could have been more help than I was. It would not have changed the number of his days, but it could have made the quality of the life before that better.

Finally, say "I love you" to the people around you. Express your appreciation, your admiration and give hugs freely. I love the fact that Italians are so expressive. They hug, they kiss, they link arms when they walk, they focus on each other with total attention when they talk, like there is nothing else in the world but the two of you. We need to be deliberate about this; don’t postpone it, or wait for the “right moment”. Just say I love you!